Day 1

There's my most recent picture...not one of my favorites but it's a picture. So now on to the 15 interesting facts about my life.

1. I was a cheerleader in high school, but I also played rugby.
2. I have never left Canada.
3. I have never seen an ocean, but I really want to.
4. I am addicted to poutine. It doesn't matter how full I am, if you offer me poutine I will gobble it up.
5. I drool in my sleep, and not a little, a LOT! I will wake up to a puddle on my pillow.
6. I get nose bleeds all the time. I have one right now lol
7. I am terrified of the dark, I always have a night light on...always
8. I hate seafood, I've tried lots of different kinds of fish, shrimp, lobster, crab, calamari...I HATE IT!
9. I will eat a hamburger, meatloaf, or meatballs, but I don't like ground beef when its loose like in hamburger helper.
10. My best friend and I had a girl band when we were little called All Spice. We mixed All Saints and the Spice Girls together. We sucked lol but we were only 10.
11. I watched the video for Oops!...I Did It Again a million times rewinding it and pausing it so I could learn the dance, and I did.
12. I used to sing along with Aqua. I would use my hairbrush as a microphone and my bed was my stage...and all my trolls were my fans.
13. I collected trolls, and I still have hundreds of them at my moms house in storage.
14. I went to my math 30 class drunk, good thing we had a sub that day and I sat at the back of the class.
15. I have the greatest family ever! Caleb is amazing and has changed my life and Steven, even though we fight and we had one of the worst weeks of our marriage, I love him more then words can say and I can't wait to grow old with him <3

I stole borrowed this idea from Letters From The Heart. I needed to do some thinking about who I am and this might just be what I need. It came along at the perfect time. I hope you have as much fun reading as I do writing.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name
Day 03- A recent picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero/fictional character and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Wordpress and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?

My Breakdown

Being a mom is hard, I mean really hard. I am a new mom, well not brand new Caleb is 10 months old and I won't lie I've had it pretty easy. Caleb started sleeping through the night at 2.5 months, he's never really cried unless he was hungry, he sleeps great, and adapts really well to change. We moved him from our bed to his crib without any hassle and now 2 weeks later he's in his own room and doing great! But just becasue I have an awesome kid doesn't mean I have it easy.

I gave up on breastfeeding after 3 days, I know it's pathetic I could have tried harder and I didn't, so now every time I read about other breastfeeding mamas and there success I feel like a piece of crap. When I feel like that I don't want to cook or clean, I don't even want to play with Caleb and that hurts. I love my son and I wish I could play with him but I just can't mentally get myself to want to. I want to keep the house clean and have supper ready for Steven when he gets home, but again I can't get myself to do it and it causes problems between us. I don't remember a day when we didn't get into fights or when we just cuddled on the couch to watch TV together. I feel like I know my families problems are becasue of me, my laziness and my attitude, if I could get off the couch and clean I would be happier. If I could crawl around on the floor chasing Caleb and play follow the leader, I would be happier. Just thinking about doing those things brings a smile to my face. I want to do those things, but I just can't. I know that sounds weird, but as much as I really want to do those things I can't.

Steven has told me that I need to go talk to someone, maybe they can help me work through my problems. I know it's the right thing to do, but I didn't want to admit that I couldn't handle my new life. I thought I would be the perfect wife and mom, keep the house clean and tidy, play with Caleb and always have supper ready when Steven got home, and maybe bake a few cookies and cakes in between. It was always my dream to be a stay at home mom, so it's not like this life was just thrown at me, I wanted it, I just didn't know that it wouldn't be what I dreamed of. Trying to get everything done is impossible! I applaud any one who can do it, your my hero. Anyway, I am going to see about getting in to see someone, I have some issues that I think if I got off my chest will help me to become a happier person. I don't expect to wake up one morning and be a Stepford wife, not that I want to be lol, I know it will take time and patience and I am finally ready to admit that I need this, not just for me, but for my family.