I gave up on breastfeeding after 3 days, I know it's pathetic I could have tried harder and I didn't, so now every time I read about other breastfeeding mamas and there success I feel like a piece of crap. When I feel like that I don't want to cook or clean, I don't even want to play with Caleb and that hurts. I love my son and I wish I could play with him but I just can't mentally get myself to want to. I want to keep the house clean and have supper ready for Steven when he gets home, but again I can't get myself to do it and it causes problems between us. I don't remember a day when we didn't get into fights or when we just cuddled on the couch to watch TV together.
Steven has told me that I need to go talk to someone, maybe they can help me work through my problems. I know it's the right thing to do, but I didn't want to admit that I couldn't handle my new life. I thought I would be the perfect wife and mom, keep the house clean and tidy, play with Caleb and always have supper ready when Steven got home, and maybe bake a few cookies and cakes in between. It was always my dream to be a stay at home mom, so it's not like this life was just thrown at me, I wanted it, I just didn't know that it wouldn't be what I dreamed of. Trying to get everything done is impossible! I applaud any one who can do it, your my hero. Anyway, I am going to see about getting in to see someone, I have some issues that I think if I got off my chest will help me to become a happier person. I don't expect to wake up one morning and be a Stepford wife, not that I want to be lol, I know it will take time and patience and I am finally ready to admit that I need this, not just for me, but for my family.
I definitely can relate for sure.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to be the perfect mother and girlfriend, but with the new stress and in my case depression, it's hard. I too don't want to clean, or cook, although I wish I could, I just feel like I need to always be with D and talk to him, I feel bad ignoring him.
Talking to someone could help, and admitting that you need the help is an amazing first step, trust me. :) All the appointments are annoying, but in the end, your right it will help you and your family.
Good luck. :)
i understand wanting to do things, knowing things should be done or even need to be done and genuinely wanting to accomplish them... but then just not. just not doing them. finding an excuse to justify putting it off. i make plans, lists, timelines and have full intent of getting those things ticked off my list but then i just can't, and sometimes i get overwhelmed and... where does the time go. added to that the depression of feeling like a failure for not accomplishing anything and it just becomes a vicious circle. it's a constant battle for me and the root of pretty much all of the problems in my relationship. i too envy the people who seem to be so perfect that they can get everything done and more while wearing a smile all the while.
ReplyDeleteI've realized, that after writing this, that life isn't perfect so why should I be?
ReplyDeleteI keep the house as tidy as I can and when I get some free time I do what I feel like. If I'm not happy then how can Caleb or Steven be. I take my time now and enjoy life as it goes by.
I still feel like I need to be that perfect person, but I know I don't need to be that person to be a good wife or mother. I'm glad I wrote this because getting that off my chest helped.